Saturday, October 04, 2003

Anger



Anger is an emotion I haven't felt in quite a while. When it comes, it's usually brief -- lasting twenty minutes or so -- and just amounts to making me all shaky and adrenaline charged. Then it dissipates, with some lingering queasiness. The whole time, I never feel out of control, it's more like a surge of pissed-off-ness that sloshes around inside until the energy dissipates, with the brain on top still thinking and carrying on an internal dialogue the whole time. I just walked out to my car twenty minutes ago, and discovered that it had been burglarized. My parents live in a "nice" gated suburban neighborhood, so I had left my sunglasses and brand spankin' new ipod in the car -- like a total idiot, just asking for it. It's no surprise really, I had thought at one point that this is just the sort of neighborhood I would cruise if I were a thief looking for easy targets. Funny that I think through everything, but then when it comes to acting -- taking precautions -- the theorizing just doesn't make it to my hands. Seems a common theme in my life actually. In theory I'm pretty damn smart -- in practice, not so much.

The ipod came to me with a big discount when I got my new laptop a week ago -- now I have to stop myself from doing something stupidly emotional like going out to buy a new one at full price to replace it. Feh, I was looking forward to using that thing for the long drive out to the mountains, and to play music through the stereo system when I got there. Maybe this will teach me to be more cautious with leaving my stuff lying around -- heh, yeah, right.

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gar@lisi.com